Motherhood

2 May

I love being a mum. I have two gorgeous children who I love to bits, and I’m so proud of them. They bring me lots of joy. It’s so easy to look at babies before you become a parent and think how cute and cuddly they are. It’s only once you’ve had your own baby that you realize that, yes, they are cute and cuddly, but it’s really hard work as well! Your life is never going to be the same again. I wouldn’t have it any different – I couldn’t imagine life without my son and daughter.

Being a mum is also full of pains – especially the pains you start to feel as your child enters the school age world, and they start to realize that not everyone likes them. The pains of watching your child go through something such as surgery, knowing that you can only be there for them, but wishing you could stop what was going on, or take their place. The pains of watching your child feel hurt and rejected. Children, like adults, have to walk through situations, it’s part of growing, learning, becoming a better person. As a mum I often wish I could scoop mine up under my wings and shield them from the world.

Our son has special needs – he is borderline on the autistic spectrum. We have walked through many pains and disappointments with him over the years, we’ve also walked through much joy together. At the moment we are going through a painful period. He is struggling so much with school, he is being bullied, and is saying things like he would rather he wasn’t here 😦

I’m pretty sure now that we are going to home school him, as well as our daughter. It’s a big undertaking, but I have to look out for them. I’m not withdrawing them from the world, as they’ll get a lot of social interaction still. Things aren’t working well for my son, and I have to take action. No one else will fight his corner, and I have the means to stop sending him into a bad situation everyday. I was listening to U2’s song Miracle Drug earlier, it really resonates with Jonathan and I, because we really would like to know what’s going on in our sons head at times.
I want a trip inside your head
Spend the day there…
To hear the things you haven’t said
And see what you might see

I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all?
I want to see your thoughts take shape
And walk right out

Freedom has a scent
Like the top of a new born baby’s head

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve seen enough I’m not giving up
On a miracle drug

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6 Responses to “Motherhood”

  1. Heidi May 2, 2007 at 15:08 #

    Wow, I love that song, but thinking about you hearing it and thinking about Ben gives me goosebumps. No wonder it resonates with you so strongly.

    I remember Mitchell’s few months in a private school, how it seemed that the light was literally going out of his eyes. He was becoming an empty shell. For some kids, public school is not a place to blossom, it’s a place to become lost.

    I’ve shared with you the downside of homeschooling, but I am truly excited for you. I have no doubt that you will see Ben not only become his old self again, but will see him grow as he is released into the real world and all that it has to offer him.

    I love that painting, or is it oil pastels. It’s so beautiful and befitting! 🙂

  2. lynhallewell May 2, 2007 at 17:43 #

    The image is by diong http://www.objectsandpixels.com

    Thanks for your encouragement, and your email – I’ll write back!

  3. sonja May 3, 2007 at 14:23 #

    Beautiful post, Lyn … I’ll be e-mailing soon.

  4. lynhallewell May 6, 2007 at 21:29 #

    Thanks Sonja!

  5. Emilia May 13, 2007 at 04:44 #

    I just ran onto your blog while looking up pictures for Mother’s Day. I just wanted to say that I applaud you for considering homeschooling. My daughter is only a month short of turning two, but we are already an active part of a local homeschool group. I think it is a fantastic option for many families, and it sounds like your son would really benefit from it. Although she doesn’t face the same struggles, my daughter was also born prematurely (at 28 weeks gestation). What a journey it is to be a mother! And being the mother of a preemie brings on especially unique adventures, both good and bad.

    Anyway, good luck!

    –Emilia

  6. lynhallewell May 13, 2007 at 07:46 #

    Thanks Emilia. Being a mother is definitely an amazing journey. I can’t believe that in just 10 years my eldest will be considered an adult. That is such a short space of time, so I think homeschooling is really worth it, if nothing else for the relationship you will build with your child. Our decision is made, we just need to decide whether to pull from school in a few weeks, when there is a weeks vacation here, or wait until summer vacation, which starts here in July.

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