3 Jun

Sometimes I wish I could control what is going on in my head.  At church today I sat there thinking “why am I here?”  To worship God and have fellowship I hear you all cry out – well yes, but aren’t there better ways?  To start with the fellowship at church is at the end over a quick coffee with those who don’t rush straight out and head home.  The rest of the two hours everyone is facing forward in rows and not interacting at all.  I did worship God, and felt close to Him today.  Throughout the service though as I looked around I could see that everyone was really enjoying themselves.  I knew that at the end most would be saying “wasn’t that a good service?” before rushing out to begin another week, until they return here again the following Sunday.  Twenty minutes into the forty minute sermon I had totally shut off.  My 8 year old was sitting with us, as he hasn’t wanted to go into childrens church for the past month or so, partly I think because of the structure, but also because of his own special educational needs.  He was bored.  The structure doesn’t work .

Today was another day when I got frustrated.  Why is it only the chosen few are asked to come and pray up front? Why are only a chosen few considered to be worthy enough to be involved in various church ministries and thus called “lay leadership”?   It’s ok, I don’t have an issue with leaders I’ve been one alongside my husband for years.  I’m happy to lead, and I’m happy to be led.  What disturbs me is that by only picking a few to come and pray, give words of encouragement, run church ministries etc, the church is sending out a “you’re not spiritual enough” message to the rest of the congregation.  Some of you might disagree, but I’ve known too many people now that get that “we’ve been asked to be home group leaders, run the alpha, do the intercessions etc.” glow around them once they are asked, that silently says “it’s ok, we’ve made it, we’re good enough now.”  It’s that whole hierachy thing.  What saddens me even more is that most people are really happy with church, they think they are in the community, that they are in a missional church.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just banging my head against a wall, and I’d love to be in a space with more like minded thinkers.  At the same time I find myself questionning these days whether all of this is just me, as generally most seem so happy.  Am I really a Christian?  Is God with me in this?  I love God and all I want to do is honour Him and serve Him, but am I really going astray with my thinking?  My relationship with God is good, as with most of us it could be better, but it could also be a lot worse.  I believe He has taken me on this journey.  I think He is wanting new wine skins.  Anyone else feel like this?


12 Responses to “Thoughts”

  1. Jon Hallewell June 3, 2007 at 22:00 #

    If only the view had been as good as the one in the picture you’ve chosen!

  2. Erin Word June 3, 2007 at 23:22 #

    Hi Lyn. I don’t have the answers for you, especially because I think we all need to find our own meaning when we are feeling frustrated by church, because God is doing a different thing in each of us.

    But I do understand what you’re saying, so in answer to your question, yes.

  3. Heidi June 4, 2007 at 14:00 #

    Hi Lyn. I understand your feelings of wondering if it’s just you, and why does everyone else look fine with things. I guess I don’t have to struggle with that very often because in our church I’ll often look around and see others who look like they are not “there”, just like me, and so that makes me see that I must be okay after all. I think you are so fine, and I dare say that God is entrusting you with concerns that He has for the church and no doubt this is a burden for you to carry. It’s not fun, it’s a struggle, but pray you have encouragement along the way.

    Man, I feel like all I’ve done is ramble and say nothing much at all. Just know that there are many like-minded Christians out there just like you!

  4. Paul June 4, 2007 at 17:07 #

    for what it’s worth, some weeks i go to an awesome church and get pretty much nothing – except i have been thinking about it more and i feel what i do get is rhythm. i pretty much belong to so much else in my life that God gets shunted way into myspace – the inconvenience of going to church is actually my best shot each week to escape my life agenda and actually remind myself who’s story i’m in… sometimes 🙂

  5. lynhallewell June 4, 2007 at 18:38 #

    good point Paul.

  6. lynhallewell June 4, 2007 at 20:11 #

    Hey Heidi, yes, I know there are many of us out there – but sometimes when everyone else seems so “into it all” my mind wonders!

  7. lynhallewell June 4, 2007 at 20:14 #

    Erin, you make a very good point, we do all need to find our own way as God is doing a different thing in us all. All of our journeys are different.

  8. terri June 5, 2007 at 01:23 #

    I snuck on over from nakedpastor’s site. I LOVE that lego picture!!


  9. Mimo June 5, 2007 at 08:29 #

    I totally agree with you on the picked up- more spritual thing – I’ve seen people act like that at my church! I don’t like the hierarchy thing either, AT ALL. So you’re definitely not alone on this!! 🙂


  10. lynhallewell June 5, 2007 at 17:49 #

    Thanks Terri and Mimosa

  11. Dave June 6, 2007 at 07:25 #

    Lyn, what is true worship, seems like evrybody has an idea…dave

  12. Aze Baijan October 13, 2009 at 16:40 #

    whoa, the chrystal cathedral in LEGOs, a double take there! Mimo’s right, too many churchgoers “act” like a christian (in church, but not in the real world), which is playing a fantasy game. They would serve a more useful purpose to stay HOME and play LEGOs with their kids!

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