Tears and Joy

27 Jun

I will never forget the day just over five years ago when Ben was having a routine check with the Health Visitor (Community Nurse) and she looked at me and said “Mrs Hallewell, I think there is something wrong with your son.” At that moment my world came crashing down around me, what was it that was wrong, what was it he couldn’t do? The past five years have been constant paediatrician appointments and battles with the education system. It felt like our sons future rested upon someones financial budget. THAT was not good enough for us, we have fought for him, for no one else will. When we moved here in November we were not really sure why God has asked us to come. Now I wonder if it was for Ben. God brought into our lives a wonderful paediatrician, who is a Christian. For the first time we felt like we were being heard and taken seriously, she was on our side. We’ve been climbing an uphill mountain with Ben, and today I think we reached the top. Ben has today been officially diagnosed as being on the Autistic Spectrum. He is what is classed as high functioning, which basically means he communicates and can cope in some situations. They are leaning towards the Aspergers side of the spectrum.

A weight has been lifted as, even though we’ve known for 6 months that he was likely to get diagnosed, it’s only with today that we are able to access the support that we need as a family. We will now be taught how he thinks and functions – get inside of his head a bit. I say that we have come to the top of the mountain, and in some ways today has closed the doors to the chapter of uncertainty. A new chapter begins now, with another mountain to climb. As we were driving home tonight we had our friend Dean Salyn’s song “He is Yahweh” on in the car. I felt like God was saying to me “I’m bigger than all of this” Thank you for your prayers, we are very grateful. Ben is such a blessing to us, through having him we have become parents who are not hung up on grades and achievements, we are not pushy. We want Ben and Grace to experience and love life, however they come.

We’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster today, and are feeling pretty exhausted now. Now we can build up the scaffolding around Ben and help him to reach for the sky. It’s been a historical day for the UK as a nation today, with Tony Blair resigning and Gordon Brown becoming the new PM. It’s been a historical day for us too. God is good.

He is Yahweh

Who is moving on the waters?
Who is holding up the moon?
Who is peeling back the darkness,
With the burning light of noon?
Who is standing on the mountains?
Who is on the earth below?
Who is bigger than the heavens,
And the lover of my soul?

Creator God: He is Yawheh
The Great I Am: He is Yawheh
The Lord of All: He is Yawheh
Rose of Sharon: He is Yawheh
The Righteous Son: He is Yawheh
The Three-in-one: He is Yawheh

Who is He that makes me happy?
Who is He that gives me peace?
Who is He that brings me comfort,
And turns the bitter into sweet?
Who is stirring up my passion?
Who is rising up in me?
Who is filling up my hunger,
With everything I need?

Creator God: He is Yawheh
The Great I Am: He is Yawheh
The Lord of All: He is Yawheh
Rose of Sharon: He is Yawheh
The Righteous Son: He is Yawheh
The Three-in-one: He is Yawheh

You are holy and eternal
And forever You will reign
Every knee will bow before You
Every tongue will confess Your name
All the angels give You glory
As they stand before Your throne
And here on earth we gather
To declare Your name alone…


7 Responses to “Tears and Joy”

  1. erin June 27, 2007 at 22:23 #

    I know it’s helpful to you to have a definitive diagnosis. Bless you in this new challenge.

    I hope this is encouraging to you: My younger brother has Asp. He is 25 and he turned out just great…socially, emotionally, all of it! He is the biggest brain I know, with an IQ of close to 160; turns out he’s a musical genius, too, could play part of Rachmaninoff’s 3rd by the time he was 15. The girls dig him, too, even though he did have his social struggles for a time. I guess I’m bragging now…sorry. Anyhow, he’s just peachy.


  2. erin June 27, 2007 at 22:27 #

    I’m sorry, I don’t mean to seem insensitive, if I did, because I know it can’t be easy. I just wanted to say I understand, in a way.

  3. cindy June 27, 2007 at 23:34 #

    wow, Lyn. I’m sure you are exhausted! My nephew has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers, and his parents are going through the same things as you right now. bless you all during this process!

  4. sonja June 28, 2007 at 02:33 #

    Sometimes I think the very worst thing is not knowing … now you will know where to put your feet down next. Give your Ben lots of love and give yourself some too. As my aunt and I always say to one another, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug from me. This is good news!! 🙂

  5. lynhallewell June 28, 2007 at 07:16 #

    Erin, thank you. No, you were not insensitive at all. It’s good to hear about adults with asp. as those are some of my q’s right now – what is the future? So you have given me encouragement 🙂

    Cindy – yeah, just a little exhausted! Actually, emotionally shattered! Now I have to prepare for a church bbq we have at our house tomorrow night – why did we plan it for this week?!

    Sonja – You are right, the worst is not knowing. Now we can move forward, which for the past 5 years we’ve not been able to do. I will give myself a hug – thanks! I have a great kitchen magnet at home, it reads – A hug is a great gift for everyone, one size fits all!

    Thanks for your thoughts ladies (((hugs))) to you all too.

  6. Paul June 28, 2007 at 13:01 #

    Awesome news!!! 🙂


  1. Beyond the 4 walls » Stating the Obvious - July 6, 2007

    […] here for seems to have had the door shut.  Maybe God has other plans.  Maybe we were here for Ben.  Pray for us right now, Jonathan is pretty down. christians, churches, communites, disciple, […]

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