Back in February I had a miscarriage. The baby was due this month and had I gone full term I would now be holding my little bundle – and of course feeling a lot more tired! I’ve been reflecting a lot recently about how the miscarriage has affected me. To be honest, I’ve been surprised at how emotional I’ve felt at times given the fact that we weren’t actively trying for a baby.
One thing I’ve really noticed is how many pregnant women I seem to have suddenly been surrounded by. To be honest, it’s almost like a smack in the face. I know of five friends who are all due this month. Being around and hearing about these newborns is not going to be easy. I have a new empathy for those who are childless and have suffered miscarriages (not wanting to offend anyone here). I obviously will never fully understand their grief as I do have children, but I do understand the feeling of anticipated new life, having this excitement, this joy, and then having it shattered. I do grieve for this life, this part of me, that was never to be on this earth. I feel like I’m missing out on bringing the baby up as part of our family and wonder if it was a boy or a girl.
I know that things will get easier now the nine months is up. I think I will not get so teary eyed as I have done. I have a part of me, and a part of Jonathan, a part of our immediate family in heaven, whom, I hope to one day meet.