I’ve gotten into a horrible habit lately of checking my email as soon as I wake up in the morning, so last night I purposely left my computer in the other room and didn’t “take it to bed” with me! When I woke up this morning I lay quietly for five or ten minutes then went out to the lounge for my cup of tea. I felt drawn to read James. I kind of groaned inside because I have not always gotten along with James’ letter! I’ve often felt like I was being told off in it! Anyway, this morning I realized it has some real gems in it too. Today I read this in James “Dear brothers and sisters whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.” (James 1:2-4)
After reading and praying I saw a picture. This is what I wrote down in my journal:
Had a picture of me standing on the ground near a “post” and there were some little cracks in the ground. Suddenly a hand appeared and tried to grab my leg. I managed to move away and grabbed on to the post. Then another hand appeared so I climbed up the post slightly (maybe a foot and a half off the ground). As I was in this position I realized that the hands could only come out of the ground so far, maybe up to the forearm. There was no ability for the arm itself to break through the ground, so the hands could not come out at, say elbow level or higher.
If I stayed where I was I would be safe. At this point I saw an image of me sliding to the bottom of the post. Then lots of hands appeared, and although they still could not come out of the ground any further than before, because there were more hands they were stronger and could quite easily overpower me and pull me to the ground.
After seeing this I realized that in order to be safe I had to climb further up the post. It was at this point that I saw that the “post” was Jesus. So if I draw closer to him then I get further up the post. Finally, I became aware that another word for post is pillar.
This year has been hard on me emotionally at church. I’m tired and very beat up. Sometimes I feel like I’m a human punch bag. The thing is though, I am a person, I have feelings too and shouldn’t have to put up with some of the stuff that has happened this year. It is wrong. If I were in any other job people would be advising me to leave because you shouldn’t be abused at work. This week has been a good week, sadly though a few hours after reading and praying this morning, I received another one of “those” emails. How did I handle it? I cried my eyes out and shouted! Calmed down and then Lady Wisdom took control.